Well, since Alexandra spent the night at my house three nights in a row, some pretty depressing and detrimental shit has happened. First of all, I should tell you about the days before the nasty shit.
It was fun, we had lots of fun. We swam, hung out in my room playing Guitar Hero, The SIMs 2, and Shadow of the Colossus. She spent the night.
It was also fun. We basically did the same thing as day one.
See first two days... -_-;
So, by the fourth day, it is her last DAY at my house, and we are just chillin'. So, later, we decide to go to a restaurant to relax, have a few cigarettes, have a couple drinks, and talk. We hang out, then we get ready to leave, heading downtown to meet her mom at Stop 345, for some dinner. It's a Greek restaurant, and it's DELICIOUS. With a sexy belly dancer and great service and music. Well, we leave, and cruise around Beale St. for a little while. On our way back home, Charles, a friend, calls and is having problems with his dad. So, we pick him up and go back to my place. After hanging out for a bit, I slip up, from being off my meds for a day, and being kind of frustrated, and call his mom a bitch.
Well, that started a whole whirlpool of shit. Alex started getting defensive for his mom, and I start to get angry (I have the temper of a bull.... THANKS DAD). I argue and then storm out of the house, sitting in the backyard shed smoking. About 20 minutes pass, and my mom starts looking for me, finding me, she tells me they left. Feeling very depressed, I head inside. No one's there, and all their things are gone. I feel like I was just totally dumped (by a lover, sort of). Feeling just shitty, I plop on my bed and just start bawling. I get embarrassed, or ashamed, when I am wrong, and can't admit that I did wrong. I felt like a horrible friend, and that my two besties just left me forever. I felt so alone, and my heart felt a little stabbed, or shredded. Mostly because of myself. I hadn't felt like this in a long time. I hate when I miss my medicine, and shit like this always happens when I do. Anyway, a lot of things were said to each other (Alex & Charles)... A lot of things that shouldn't have been said. This pisses me off a little, because I still hold all of their secrets in my heart, but they just completely let mine out to each other. I feel a little let down at that, but I guess I deserved it? It's all my fault. I'm to blame. I should be stoned to death. I should have a group of people shoot me. I should just walk into traffic. Of course, I have barely talked to either of them, although I have been apologizing my head off and been so remorseful, it's not even cute or cuddly. I feel abandoned, and I think I want to take a couple loritabs and just relax. I think I'll do just that. I want all of this mama drama to stop. I've said my sorrys, and I mean them, too...
Hopefully they will forgive me, for I have forgiven them too many times to count.